It turns out being cool is contextual

A Story in Pictures

What I sent.

What I wanted to send.

Yes, really.

On Writing

I have a few minutes to write before I’m expected at my carriage driving lesson, so I figured I’d take the time to “write between the cracks” as it were.  Yesterday I spent a couple of hours sorting through my Writing folder on my hard drive.  I tend to feel like I’m a seriously underachieving writer.  I often wish I was one of those people who felt compelled to write all the time.   Someone who found it so cathartic that it was like an addiction.  Instead, I’m a slow writer, I’m prone starting things I never finish or writing things that really have no end that anyone would recognize.  I rather like blogging for this reason.  It can follow any course I like.

What surprised me about cleaning up my writing folder was how much stuff I actually have written, even if it doesn’t all have formal structure.  Add to that the knowledge that this folder is a fraction of what I’ve written over the last ten or 15 years (due to data loss)  and I do feel a bit better about myself as a writer.  In fact, I then spent time thinking about how much non-work writing is probably sitting on, as a random example, my sister’s computer, and I realized I’m probably doing OK.  I may not live forever and I don’t have kids, but at least my nieces will having something to know me by when they are old (barring cool nano tech life extension that will keep me kicking ass until I’m 200).   I figure even if I am still kicking around in 60 years I’ll probably have other things to talk about (like why people keep serving me creamed peas and jello).

I’ve got an actual set of work papers that I ought to working on, except that it takes more focus than half an hour allows.  This is a set of 7 papers for a product that I worked with professionally for years.  It is also my first freelance writing gig (which is amazing since I wasn’t even looking for one).  It doesn’t pay great but they will be published on very well known site within the profession and I’m looking forward to having 1)something recent on my resume and 2) a writing gig that might help me get more writing gigs.  Really, writing is a great career for me since I can do it on my schedule, at home, and without having to see people I grow to dislike with searing intensity.  On the other hand I have real issues with making myself do things.  Even things I like.  As soon as I feel I *have* to do things I suddenly find a million other things to do.  So I’ll have to pretty much wrestle this demon to the ground, tie the fucker up, and lock it in the cellar if I want to do much paid writing.  At least I’m working on it.  

Random Free Writing

Disco.  The Starbuck’s is playing actual disco.  My brain is melting, do you have any idea how hard it is to write with this nonsense playing in the background.  Sometimes the coffee shop is ideal for writing, but now and again it is truly awful.   Anti-inspirational.  Fabulous.  OK, now it is some kind imitation of those forties style seduction songs like Mr. Bigg.  Still distracting.   Anyway, I figured that five minutes of free writing was still five minutes more writing than I’ll get done just sitting here kvetching about the horrible music.  Plus, it is kind of cathartic to write down that it is awful.  The mind, she works in mysterious ways.  So now Huw is just telling me all the time to not accidentally drive off a cliff.  At least he cares.  I need to figure out what to do in Paris, I mean what did I want to do that I missed last time?  Other than chocolate, flan and coffee?  I think the dollar is doing a bit better so this time it might be ok to buy a thing or two, nothing expensive, but just a keepsake or two.  Last time the exchange rate was so bad that I just didn’t want to.  Oh, and I want to go to that store where I got the card holder, I love that thing and I’d really like to have a backup.  The main thing is going to be figuring out how to control my sleeping so I can enjoy being in Paris rather than enjoying being in my hotel room.  

Oh, and my mind has been full of things having to do with moving, I suppose I could write them down, then at least I’ve got them out there.

Rent trash bin

spread manure

fix new fence (put up electric or tension wire or something)

find a boarding stable, so I have an idea where to go if we do sell quickly

new lease for the boys

arrange for the stager to come out

call the goat grazing place

contact linda about the taxes (not house related, but important)

I think I need to hose down the saddle and the hottub and then list both online, get them sold.  Do another pass for good will and then put some thing in storage bins.  End result: tidy

should I caulk around the kitchen tile?

fix cat run so it looks straight and tidy

Borrow Mitch's power washer  This will be used in chicken house and barn

spread or rack up the straw in the goat pen and tidy their fence as much as possible

clear out as many weeds as we can

figure out a better parking arrangement

once we are out of snow danger, move trailer to back

go through stuff in barn and sell as much as I can on craigslist, I know there are old halters and things.   Get synthetic saddle from Jen and sell that too.

clear up the ‘hay’ area that is now empty

find a lawn service

get cleaning quotes

hang up pot hanger.

clear out front hall as much as possible

How I Joined the Ranks of Idiots that Follow their Google Directions into a Lake

Well, today counts as the most dramatically stupid day I’ve had in some time.  It started off mundanely enough with dropping Huw at the airport and then heading to an appointment and a lunch date in Boulder.  All was good.  Harmonious with the universe.   Or so I thought. 

I had, what at the time seemed like the good idea, to try taking some back mountain roads before I headed home.   Everything was good, I saw some lovely country with fantastic rocks and a gorgeous lake.  My plan was that I’d end up in an area we have been considering for a buying a house, so that in addition to the pretty drive I’d now know the secret back way to the area.  Then I saw a real estate sign on a road called Chute and I was pretty sure I knew what listing was down the road so I headed over to take a look.  Well, my stars, if there were not three listings on this road so I kept on driving to see what else would be there.  Now, in my own defense the GPS was set to take me to a nearby town and it merrily showed the red line spilling out before me so I followed it.  

At this point I’d like to say that until recently I did not think I fell into the category of people who would follow a GPS somewhere foolish.  I thought this was the realm of idiots, and if it is, I’ve sadly joined them.  I followed that stupid red line right into a giant icy snowy mess in which I became mired.  In my full size four wheel drive truck.  The more I tried to get out of the mess the more I slowly slid sideways toward the edge of the mountain.  I got out to check.  It didn’t look good.  I tried again.  I slid closer.  I got out again.  Yes, it was slick, very very slick.  Yes, the truck was ever closer to a precipitous drop.  Yes, I was out of cell phone range.    Yes, I had cleverly put my hiking boots back in the house.

Great.

Concluding that I could only make things worse staying with the truck, I hiked about half a mile further on the road.  Still no signal.  Drat.  I hiked back.  Truck still positioned above oblivion.  I hiked back the way I came.  Half a mile later, there is nobody home at the first house.  Likewise the next house, though I tantalizingly get a phone signal for about a minute.  At the third house there is a big scary looking dog.  I keep going.  It is 30 degrees and I have a fleece.  Yea me.  About a mile or a bit more from the truck I finally get a regular phone signal.  I call Huw and leave a message saying where I am just in case I’m never seen again and authorities want to search for the body.  

Thus begins a game of calling triple A and getting calls back that come when there is no signal because I’m trying to move to a sunny spot.   I do manage to convey some information.  I am inappropriately dressed, miles from public convenience and stuck with spotty phone coverage.  No I am not near a major intersection.  No there is no close major road.  No, I’m not in danger, I’m pretty sure I could discourage a mountain lion with a stick.  There are sticks all around.  Yes I need help.  Yes they need to have chains.  Yes can I meet the driver at the main road.  Of course I can.  Ha ha.  So another mile an a half and I come to the main road and am overjoyed to see the tow truck driver.  

Back down the road we go.  He has a lovely lab named Curly.  He has heat and I am frozen.  Eventually he puts on chains and decides to back down the road.  We have a laugh about the possibility that he will need a tow truck to get his truck out.  We make it to my truck after a ride that can only be described as harrowing.  We then begin a process of winching my truck toward his, having him move forward and then winching me toward his truck again.  Eventually we get to the point where I can back up with out the winch for what seems like forever.  My neck still hurts from facing around backward for so long.  At last I’m out and I’m happy to pay the extra charges for chains and for being on a private road (after all, I’m quite sure the cost of removing the truck from a ravine would astronomical).  

Meanwhile

As we prepare to list our house (and selling it depends on a whole host of things, not the least of which is the market and our inability to know if we will be able to sell it at a price that is reasonable from our point of view (really, there are just very few properties like ours in the area in which we live that have been for sale any time recently).  Part of the goal, apart form changing my feelings about chores is to reduce our financial exposure.   On the whole this is a great investment property with lots of improvements but our loan amount is out of our comfort zone.  We depend a great deal on having tenants and at this point I would cheerfully push our tenants in front a bus.  In fact the tenant question here is me:

http://askthebloggess.pnn.com/articles/show/56298-vagina-staples-proof-that-hollywood-s-just-fucking-with-you

Yes, I am done with sharing my house.  I'm developing anxiety that they might accidentally burn down the house.  A few weeks ago three drunken teenage girls stumbled INTO our house via the back door after negotiating two gates and two frantic little dogs.  We've become aware they have an extra guy living down there and they have acquired dogs, not a problem itself, but they are not cleaning up after them.  Of course they are not.  Basically in order to live here without tenants I would have to get a job, like a regular ongoing one, and I just really don't want to.  I am so much more amazingly happy not working.

So, if we can get the price we need out of the house we can buy a house that is less expensive and not *need* tenants to keep us solvent.  We of course would also simplify our house maintenance and I could continue being unprofessional :)

Of course there has to be some other upside in our environment, I need to feel good about where we live and so we are looking at moving to the foothills and I really do *love* the mountains.  Since I'm not working there isn't a daily commute issue for me and since Huw works either from the house or he travels the most commuting would be to drive to the airport for drop off and pick up once a week.   Even though the airport is on the other side of the city from the foothills we've decided that the infrequency of trips will make the drive doable.

Thankfully we can find a house in the mountains that will be much closer to our comfort zone financially and still be decent and be in the mountains.  We will have to pick which area we want to live in, but any area is going to have the wonderful mountain air, the wildlife, and the bit of extra space that I seem to need around me to feel comfortable.  Plus we will get to have awesome campfires and invite our friends to stay with us on mini-breaks.

The change will of course be a giant pain in the butt.  I'm not sure what will be better/worse - selling the house immediately and having to sort everything out NOW or having it sit on the market for a year with us wondering if it will ever sell.  Ah well, I guess we will have an answer to the first question in a few months.

Houses

We are going to try to sell our house.  This is a HUGE deal for me as my entire life has been fixated on getting some property that I can keep horses on and living there and doing the country lifestyle.   Indeed I have indecent cravings for bigger better properties. If I won the biggest lottery ever I'd probably buy some giant million acre ranch (a la Ted Turner) for no reason other than it would be outrageously cool.  Of course in this fantasy I have a ranch manager who keeps everything solvent and who works on the other side of the million acres from where I live.  I basically just get to act like a guest and engage in awesome mountain recreation.

In real life we've had two houses and almost 9 years of living on small horse properties.  I have learned a *ton* and all the work was really enjoyable for me for about 7.5 of those years.  Then about a year and a half ago I just got tired of doing chores.  Truly small horse properties (with resident livestock) are a never ending list of chores.  There is never a day when I should not be working on the fencing dealing with the weeds, trying to grow grass, dealing with pests, doing landscaping, spreading manure or whatever else suddenly has worked its way to the top of the "to do" heap.  And this is *with* hired help!  Oh, and for the curious, except for pest control, Huw is not involved in the running/maintenance of the ranch (hence the hired help).

What I've discovered is that I'm ready to not do these things anymore.  The joy in it is gone.  It is just chores.  I spend at least an hour everyday doing basic feeding and watering outside and those things have to be on a pretty regular schedule.  Granted I get to pick the schedule, but there really is no break from this, it happens twice a day every day.  When we do leave town and get a house-sitter I worry constantly that something will happen and it will be horrible or hard for her and it makes me reluctant to leave for very long.

So, here we are, getting prepared to list the house and to move on to a simpler home life and to return to boarding the horses (and I think the goats if possible).  It should be an adventure but it makes me very anxious to leave the comfort of my lifelong goal.  So far, I don't have a new goal to replace it.  Scary.

OK, I've figured it out

Right, so this blog, Personal Brain Forage, is going to be my creative, brainstorming, personal, kvetch, whatever the heck I want blog.  It is not going to be pretty and I doubt there are many people who will want to read it all (apart from myself of course).  Meanwhile brainforage and foragingforbrains will be used to publish 1) well written stuff that will likely start here and 2)other well written stuff that is different.  I'm not sure which will be which.  :)

It was becoming clear that I couldn't decide which title was better to user for what kind of writing and I became rather retardedly frozen, so I started this one with a very non-interesting title to be a playground.  I've no worries that this title is so great it should not be wasted.

I figure that I post most good links up to my FB page and short updates but I need somewhere to explore my own life and my writing.  Ta da.  So if you want to read this bit about my life, there won't be updates posted to FB although I will leave a link there on my info page.

Oh, and it might be filled with shit like to-do lists and personal goals and complaining about my health and all kinds of other pointless nonsense that seems to fill my head.

So basically, if you are interested in what I have to say in a well written organized format, wait until it is published to one of the other blog titles.  I'm sure I'll also link such posts to FB so nobody has to follow my blogs directly.

Gardening for next year

Gardening for next year

1.  Figure out how to determine when a watermelon is ripe.
2.  Label everything, especially beans and greens.
3.  Plant less squash.  One of each kind will more than suffice.
4.  Plant more rhubarb.  Yum.
5.  Consider moving strawberries to higher bed or using more mulch to keep them from getting dirty.
6.  Plant corn in row along west edge so they get all the sun and provide some afternoon shade.
7.  Plant sunflowers on that edge also.
8.  Plant watermelon, rhubarb, peas and beans earlier.
9.  Don't forget onions.
10.  Find some sweet potatoes to plant.  Yum.